I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
