I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
