I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
