onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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