I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
