yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
