Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
