On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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