HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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