Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
