Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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