I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
