Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
