Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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