can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
