I was born with a shot glass in my hand
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
we're making bets on your personal life
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just had sex on a roof
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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