But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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