I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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