hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
