a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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