dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
