we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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