This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Is Oprah even human
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
