you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
