So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
