I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
