how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
