Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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