allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
