I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
another moral hangover. fuck.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
