i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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