yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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