I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
