to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Quick, to the slutcave!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
