wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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