dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
