i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
