In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
