In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hippo gnu deer
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
