people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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