we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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