Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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