maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
