Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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