4 words: hood of his car
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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