Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
