He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
