Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
