Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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