Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
