I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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