It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I want her autograph on my taint
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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