We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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