im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
